Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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