I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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