I think im going to throw up on grandma
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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