me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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