Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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