shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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