I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
