my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
