you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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