he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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