Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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