It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
