So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
