One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
