That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
