Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
