I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
