you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
