I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
