my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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