i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
