You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm too high and old for this...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
