we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
