walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
