How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
