I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
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