my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
