he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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