I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
