I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
