Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
