i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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