Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
