Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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