i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
