You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
