So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
