that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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