he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
