There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
pop tarts are not kleenex
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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