Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
