I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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