Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
