this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
