she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
