i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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