Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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