so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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