I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
