so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
