just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
